I’ve been pursuing grants for Alger Parks and Rec, a non-profit organization I’m honored to chair. If any of you have had the pleasure (?) of writing grants, you know what a time-consuming affair it can be. While many applications are straightforward (tell us in one paragraph why you are applying for this grant and please include a budgetary breakdown of your project), others can be downright flabbergasting. I mean, how many times can you creatively construct a paragraph, answering almost identical questions on a single application? I often scratch my head wondering who in the world crafted this questionnaire. Are they trying to trick me on purpose? ‘Oh, let’s see how she handles this one’ and I swear I hear them snickering behind my back.
I truly believe they throw in questions simply to stump the majority of applicants. ‘Please explain in 1000 words or more, how your project will affect world hunger in the year 2200?’ Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but don’t you think it’s sad when I, a creative writer (and a child who always scored 95 % or more on comprehension tests),has to re-read a question twenty times before I even begin to understand the meaning?
Currently, one particular grant sits on the back burner, while I ponder how to answer the last question. I’ve revisited it many times, only to walk away in state of perpetual confusion. Is this going to be the one that stops me in my tracks? Will I lose the possibility of receiving funding, due to my lack of intellectual capacity? Will I have to apologize to my board because I simply couldn’t get through the gibberish? ‘Sorry guys and gals, but I didn’t realize they required a PhD in ancient alien languages!’ So in the interim, I plod along seeking some spiritual guidance…
Then voila, the moment of inspiration hits me like a lightning bolt. Mine occurred this morning while watching an interview with the all-woman IMSA racing team – a totally unrelated event. However, an answer to a particular question posed by the interviewer, sparked a fire, and now I’m no longer a prisoner to the gods of bewilderment — I’ve scaled your walls and landed on the summit. Naa-na-na-na-naaaa-na!
