How often do you complain?

We all have that friend or family member, that no matter how things are going, they’re always complaining. It may be subtle and not even intentional, but they’ve fallen into a rut. You see them and ask, “Hey, how’s it going?” Then the minute the words have left your mouth; you instantly regret them.

“I can never catch a break. My luck will never change…”
“It’s my lot in life…”

No matter the hour, the day, or time of year, it’s always the same. They complain about the traffic, the kids, their job, their neighbors, the weather, their life in general. After hearing the same old, same old, maybe you find that you don’t visit or call as often. It’s become monotonous.

Complaining may reinforce one’s ego at the expense of others. Additionally, and as opposed to connecting people, complaining may drive people apart. When someone is viewed as a chronic complainer other people may not engage. No one really wants to be around someone who complains incessantly. Generally, people want to be around balanced, moderate people. If someone is too bitter, or for that matter too happy, others tend to avoid them (or, perhaps, complain about them).

Another reason people may complain is that the brain is negative-biased. The human brain, geared for survival, focuses on negatives (as they appear more threatening to survival) than on positives (which enhance life but are less vital for survival). As the brain perceives negatives at an approximated ratio of five to one, there is simply more to complain about than there is to be grateful for. Additionally, this may lead to less general happiness.

Psychology Today

It’s not that it’s even intentional. But they’ve fallen into a rut. It’s easy to do. You trip over an obstacle and instead of picking it up, you continually stumble over that same hurdle, barely acknowledging it. The impediment has become part of their daily life.

It’s okay to complain from time to time. You’re human. To actually unload and leave it behind can be therapeutic. But when it becomes an everyday occurrence, it may be doing more damage than good. A self-fulfilling prophecy. Counterproductive. You may be guilty of it, yourself!

• Do you feel worse than before after fuming?
• Do you resist every helpful suggestion?
• Do you ignore the silver linings?
• Do you complain in an over-exaggerated manner?
• Are you wearing out your friends, co-workers and family?

If you can answer yes to more than one of the above, then you may have reached a critical juncture in your life. But you can do something to help yourself. Think on the following.

• Limit the time you spend spouting off about a subject. Set an actual time limit. “I’m only going to talk about this for 10 minutes.” Then change the subject. Move on.
• Be actually willing to listen to feedback/suggestions. Don’t just brush them off. People are attempting to help you.
• Tap into some gratitude. Remind yourself of the positive. Are things really that bad?
• Find a happy medium!