Actions Speak Louder than Words

For the last several years, a close friend has repeatedly held her tongue, never sharing how she feels with her husband, and others around her. How do I know this? Because of what she tells me.

A typical recent conversation, ensued.
 
“Well, how does your husband feel about living in ‘fill-in-the-blank’?”
“Uh, I don’t know. I haven’t spoken to him about it.”
“Say what?”
“I don’t think he wants to move,” she continued.
But you talked to him about moving?”
“Well, not really!”
“Uh, what are you waiting for?”
“Well, I’ll bring it up eventually…”

After taking part in hundreds of similar conversations, a bell finally went off in my head. If she’s being that way with her husband and others, is she being that way with me? It made me think, and it made me question our relationship. Is she being honest with me? Or is she being non-committal by playing it safe and keeping the peace?

It’s so, not me. I’m the one who wears her heart on her sleeve. You always know where you stand with me. I’m honest and up front. I say what I mean and mean what I say. If I love you, you’ll know it. But if you piss me off (and that takes a lot), you’ll know it too. I’m not into playing games. Life is too short for that.

If I’m busy, I’ll let you know. Hey, so and so, today isn’t good for me… If I’d rather go to restaurant A, than B, I’ll let you know by preference if I have one. I won’t hold something against you if I keep my mouth shut. That’s unfair to you and me.

She also stated that she and her husband never argue or fight. Well, of course not, because you don’t talk. If you don’t speak, then everything is okay, right? Living in the same house is easy if you don’t share how you feel. Or is it? To me that would feel like I was always walking on eggshells. No thank you. I could never live that way. One day, things will blow up and the explosion will be monumental. Someday, that tea kettle will whistle and you won’t be able to turn it off.