Lost in the crowd

I have never been a “follower” in my life. Always the leader, but as the weeks and months progress, I feel like I’m lost in the middle of a feeding frenzy on Twitter. I am overwhelmed. So, why am I feeling so lost at this particular moment? 

As many of you know, I joined Twitter to find out more about BTS, and for the most part, it’s been a good journey. It’s had its ups and down, certainly, but I always try to cull the herd and keep my timeline as free from drama as possible. In the beginning it was wonderful meeting others who shared in my love, but now? Well, with growing numbers I feel like I’ve fallen down a well – it’s all so commercialized – all about numbers and ratings, and streaming, and hashtags. I feel the music’s been lost in the shuffle. 

I’ve talked about this in the past, but I still feel it’s wrong to start pushing a song before you’ve heard it. What about judging a song by its merits and your personal likings? Now it’s all about being competitive. While that will always be a factor, should it be the main one? What about the pure ecstasy? Can’t we just sit back, listen and enjoy the moment? Hmmm, that too appears to be a disappearing art. 

This month with four sold out concerts in Las Vegas, a number of upcoming projects including a new album release, and Yoongi’s involvement/collaboration with Psy, the TL feels like a river filled with hungry piranha. While I adore and admire Yoongi, and appreciate the artistry he lent to Psy’s project, it’s not my cup of tea. I’m not a fan of Psy, and to be honest, until very recently, I never heard of the guy (to me he looks like an Elvis impersonator, no offense intended 😊). Yes, the production, and dancing, and quality were wonderful and Yoongi once again proved his talents, but the song has no personal appeal and won’t wind up on any of my playlists.

While a portion of the public will love it (and that’s fine), I can’t help but feel that many are just singing its praises because it’s expected of them. Wanna be cool, well you gotta say you love it. Steam, stream, stream! No one wants to feel left out and actually saying what you feel is a real no-no, even though it’s supposed to be all about Speak Yourself/Love Yourself. 

This week, while dealing with some pressing personal issues, it hit home. I couldn’t deal with the flood of people and posts, and wound up muting numerous accounts, and then altering my Twitter settings to help alleviate the confusion and congestion. It’s helped, yet, I don’t know if I can stay. I hate to admit, but inadvertently, ARMY has taken away a lot of the joy I initially experienced, and I don’t want that to happen. It’s not BTS’s fault, I love them even more now, but I can no longer deal with the fandom (as a whole). I think it’s time to take a sabbatical so I can maintain those initial feelings of pure magic and love. 

So why do I stay? There are two reasons. 1) My book, Discovering BTS, published mere weeks ago, and 2) The good friends I’ve made. 

I’ll be honest, with little to no capital to invest in advertising, my only choice right now is to rely on social media to help me spread the word. So, I keep plodding along trying my best to appeal to ARMY, hoping they will help me with re-tweets. And of course, there’s my good friends, but I can maintain contact via personal messenger/group chats. 

I’ve meditated my way through this mish-mash of feelings (thank you Insight Timer) and am trying to find peace of mind again, but no one including myself, should ever let social media stand in their way of their own personal happiness. Not my circus, not my monkeys. It’s too crowded in here.